Vote early and often

Dear “Not George Galloway”,

Gorgeous, are you out of your tiny, shiny-suited, Mercedes-driven mind? Using such a spiteful Ba’athist manoeuvre to debase hundreds of years of parliamentary democracy, shaft the Chartists, stick two fingers up to Churchill, and desecrate the Pankhursts’ shrine…

Why on earth is this a moral dilemma? Over the centuries, millions of people have fought and died for the right to vote in free elections and live in a democracy. Unfortunately, we still don’t have such things. Only 24 per cent of the electorate voted for New Labour in 2001, but they had virtual carte blanche to do what they wanted.

Two million in Britain got off their arses to say no to war but it didn’t stop one bomb. Antisocial behaviour orders, control orders, tuition fees, privatisation, rising inequality, anti-immigration, the list goes on and on. So don’t think about this a moment longer. Auntie subcommands you to go forth and multiply those votes by any means necessary – stuff envelopes with dodgy ballot papers, bribe the tellers, hold old grannies at gunpoint, whatever it takes, just beat those Blairites. That’s right, comrades, the revolution will be falsified.