You might be a centrist if…

Illustration: For Lack of a Better Comic

You might be a centrist if you think that centrism is a meaningless term – so let me point out some other signs of centrism, and you can see how you match up.

You might be a centrist if your response to a political dispute is to say ‘both sides’ are at fault – doubly so if the actions of one side are obviously far worse than the other.

You might be a centrist if your Twitter replies ever start with ‘Actually…’

You might be a centrist if you think that political policies should be made just by ‘looking at the data’.

You might be a centrist if you tell people you feel ‘politically homeless’ since the rise of Corbynism.

You might be a centrist if whatever the issue at hand, you just don’t think protesting can be the answer.

You might be a centrist if you are very worked up about abusive language in politics, but conspicuously silent about most of the abuse being aimed at Diane Abbott.

You might be a centrist if you are male, a dad, and often explain women’s ‘errors’ to them – and definitely if you have ever used the phrase ‘young lady’ or a variant.

You might be a centrist if you like telling people to ‘get round the table and negotiate’.

You might be a centrist if your Twitter bio contains the key words ‘moderate’, ‘rationalist’, ‘atheist’, ‘skeptic’, or anything relating to your own perceived high intelligence.

You might be a centrist if you are very concerned about ‘fake news’ but have nevertheless repeated the outright fake news that Labour conference didn’t debate Brexit.

You might be a centrist if you believe that the Canary contains more ‘fake news’ than the Daily Express.

You might be a centrist if you feel like you just don’t understand politics any more – especially if you somehow nevertheless work full time as a political journalist.

You might be a centrist if you berated Laura Pidcock for saying she wouldn’t be friends with Tory MPs.

You might be a centrist if you still think the old rules will re-assert themselves and really, it’s still all about swing voters isn’t it?

You might be a centrist if you literally wrote a book about ‘post-truth’ but mute everyone who calls you out for spreading untruths (#subtweet).

You might be a centrist if your view of politics can be basically summed up by old SDP party political broadcasts.

You might be a centrist if you think that scrapping tuition fees would actually be bad for working class kids because (insert lots of spurious graphs here).

You might be a centrist if you believe stopping Brexit is the only real political issue in Britain today, and forget all those people at the food banks.

You might be a centrist if you think anyone who holds an actual political view on anything is an ‘extremist’.

You might be a centrist if you think that any words used to attempt to describe your political position are a slur.

Hope this helps.