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Jeremy Hardy thinks… about the jubilee

'Do we really want the bother of an elected president? Isn’t a Windsor a familiar and convenient alternative?'
May 2012

Having read ‘Royal Babylon’, a phenomenal piece of writing by Heathcote Williams, on the website of the International Times, I am reminded that we have every reason to loathe the monarchy and yet have become inured to its existence. This is in part because of the way it has humanised itself.

Gone are the Germanic strangulated vowels and clipped consonants, to be replaced with the public-school cockney favoured by Tony Blair and Peaches Geldof. Prince William can kick a football about, with no apparent urge to pick it up and run for the touchline. Black people are glad-handed as often as possible, and even picked up if small and sick enough.

The royals seem pretty much like any other celebrities, and other celebrities relate to them as such. Is that Christopher Biggins or Princess Michael of Kent in the audience? Either way, they can take a joke, so long as it’s delivered in a spirit of ingratiating bonhomie.

And it’s all for charity. If Prince Charles can’t reach out to disenfranchised youths, raised on vast estates, surrounded by guns and having no hope of worthwhile employment, who can? And look at all those teenagers getting Iron Crosses as part of the Duke of Windsor’s award scheme.

Do we really want the bother of an elected president? Isn’t a Windsor a familiar and convenient alternative? In the same way, I’d rather my funeral were moderated by a vicar than have my corpse exploited by the humanists. However irrational religion might be, I prefer the diffident mumbling of a cleric to the outpourings of people so unrelentingly pleased with themselves. I’m serious about that.

Perhaps abolition of the monarchy isn’t a priority right now. We could get round to it when we get round to abolishing capitalism. Which reminds me...

Jeremy HardyJeremy Hardy is a comedian and writer who regularly appears on BBC Radio 4's The News Quiz and I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue.


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cvb1999 6 July 2012, 13.55

Jeremy you are wrong on this. Destroying the monarchy would be a good step towards a fairer society. They do nothing and are paid handsomely for it. By it’s very nature it is centuries out of date and it obviously not fair. By dint of birth and having murderous ancestors you get wealth and privilige. Is this what you are saying. That you may have become inured to this is regretable, other royalists seem to think they are brilliant, but I personally think a revolution is long overdue and would not shed a tear if the lot of them were dethroned and/or euthanised pour encourager les autres.

Robert 26 November 2012, 08.40

You do not need to destroy anything, the Royals just need to be told your wages are the same as the Prime Minister the hangers on are gone get a job in Tesco, or Harrods, and then elect a President every four years with no leader able to lead more then three times before they step down.

But the Royals would not be voted out, sadly we are all in love with them or at least the majority so we are stuck with them but the wages we pay them can be sorted.

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