Cleaner minded

Dear Auntie, I live in a house with several friends and while I enjoy the ritual weekly clean they are lazy, so have suggested we hire a cleaner. I am uncomfortable about the idea of hiring someone to be our servant when we have plenty of time and are perfectly capable of doing our own cleaning. Does Auntie have a cleaner? And what does she think of the idea of hiring one? Ms Spick and Span

Dear Ms Spick and Span

Auntie is by no means a domestic goddess, as her friends and former partners will testify; she's quite happy living with a little chaos and disorder. Auntie's theory is the messier a mind the more the need for order around you. Auntie's mind is a clutter-freezone.

Over the years, Auntie has employed the odd domestic worker; housekeeping is an underrated and valuable skill she does not possess. She has also been involved in campaigns for the rights of migrant domestic workers, such as with Kalayaan www.kalayaan.org.uk.

A person making a living from cleaning is a domestic worker, an equal

providing a service, not an indentured servant to exploit. Lead by example:

ensure terms and conditions include a decent wage, paid holidays and sick leave. Visit the T&G website www.tgwu.org.uk for details. Make sure your friends are clear on what they expect, draw up a contract of employment and agree a list of tasks beforehand with your prospective employee. Be respectful and appreciative- remember it's taking the piss to expect him or her to clean up your dirty knickers and used condoms. To salve your conscience further, do a quick clean-up beforehand.

As for Auntie, ideally she is seeking a submissive man who will pay her to let

him do the housework. Suitably respectful letters of application, with two references, may be sent to Subcomandauntie[@]gmail.com