Cleaner minded

Dear Ms Spick and Span

Auntie is by no means a domestic goddess, as her friends and former partners will testify; she’s quite happy living with a little chaos and disorder. Auntie’s theory is the messier a mind the more the need for order around you. Auntie’s mind is a clutter-freezone.

Over the years, Auntie has employed the odd domestic worker; housekeeping is an underrated and valuable skill she does not possess. She has also been involved in campaigns for the rights of migrant domestic workers, such as with Kalayaan www.kalayaan.org.uk.

A person making a living from cleaning is a domestic worker, an equal providing a service, not an indentured servant to exploit. Lead by example: ensure terms and conditions include a decent wage, paid holidays and sick leave. Visit the T&G website www.tgwu.org.uk for details. Make sure your friends are clear on what they expect, draw up a contract of employment and agree a list of tasks beforehand with your prospective employee. Be respectful and appreciative– remember it’s taking the piss to expect him or her to clean up your dirty knickers and used condoms. To salve your conscience further, do a quick clean-up beforehand.

As for Auntie, ideally she is seeking a submissive man who will pay her to let him do the housework. Suitably respectful letters of application, with two references, may be sent to Subcomandauntie[@]gmail.com